


The 'Facing Farm

by the_mad_hellcat



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Butt Plugs, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Interface Cable, M/M, Mech/Human Sex, Multi, Out of Character, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 01:38:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2210829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_mad_hellcat/pseuds/the_mad_hellcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Please read all tags before enjoying this fic: especially the OOC and Crack!Fic tags!  Optimus is concerned for the safety of Sam when Sam decides to go out with Lennox and his team to a night club for his 22nd birthday.  Prime takes matters into his own hands to make sure that Sam, Will and Epps never makes it to the club and ends up having a huge misunderstanding with Sam, which leads Sam to find his interface cable while his holoform is pretending to be in a meeting.  Sex and insanity ensues!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 'Facing Farm

**Author's Note:**

> It's a Crack!Fic, not to be taken seriously but an excuse for me to see if I can figure out 'realistic' mech/human sexual relations. No, this situation would not happen in a serious fic I would write, Optimus wouldn't be that dense and Ratchet would have put his foot down and wouldn't have let any of this happen. Wheeljack also would not have been allowed anywhere near a toaster! It's just a little randomness I thought I would share and I probably won't leave it up here for long.

It was Sam’s birthday and he was planning on getting wasted and dancing the night away with Lennox and his team. He wanted to forget, even just for the night, that he was in love with Optimus Prime and just pretend that he was a normal twenty two year old. He knew that the Autobots did not exactly approve of his plans for the evening, especially Optimus, because they felt this was an unnecessary risk to their humans’ welfare with the Deceptions location still unknown. Lennox was able to convince Optimus to allow Sam to go out with them, but how he did it was still a mystery. Sam had mistakenly thought that the matter was settled as he jumped into the shower to get ready. 

Sam had just gotten out of the shower when he heard a knock at his door, “Who is it?”

“It’s me,” Optimus said.

“Come on in,” Sam said and the holoform shimmered into the room and headed over to the bed. Optimus’ holoform is what he imaged his human form would look like; Prime was six feet tall, he appeared to be in his early to mid-forties with a muscular body with a very broad chest. He had the body of someone who had done a lot of heavy lifting in his life and got the physical rewards for it. Optimus had the most beautiful electric blue eyes and very full, chapped but sexy lips framed by a hint of a five o’clock shadow. He had shaggy black hair with navy highlights, which he kept under control with a ratty looking red truckers cap. He wore old brown work boots, dirty blue jeans, and a very soft red scotch plaid flannel shirt that was rolled up to his elbows and open just enough to see a hint of a white undershirt and dog tags.

“Is this what you are wearing tonight?” 

Optimus Prime was worse than his mother! “Yes, we are going for pizza before heading to the club,” Sam explained, “Will is buying for my birthday.”

“Wouldn’t you rather just stay here, get a case of beer and some pizzas to watch a movie here? Wheeljack fixed the projector and we can watch a movie on the side of the hanger.”

“He really fixed it or did he ‘Wheeljack’ fix it?”

Optimus was silent a moment, “We haven’t tested it out yet, no.”

“Optimus, I am going out with the team,” Sam said as he came out of the bathroom completely naked, “they aren’t going to let anything happen to me. We are just going for a few drinks and some dancing.”

Prime looked away as Sam grabbed his clothes and went back into the bathroom. Sam did not shut the door though as he sat the clothes on the sink before he opened up a bottle of lotion that smelled like his favorite cologne and rubbed the lotion all over his body. “Epps mentioned that this dancing is clothing optional,” Optimus said.

“You know that Robbie is a horn dog,” Sam said, “and he knows to keep his hands to himself when it comes to me.”

“There will be drinking, your cognitive skills will be impaired and none of us will be there to protect you.”

“Optimus, I am not the only twenty something going out tonight, this is normal. It’s stress relief and fun.”

“You are the only twenty something that is under my care!”

“You don’t get like this when the rest of the team goes out,” Sam put on his cologne and started to get dressed.

“I may not,” Optimus agreed, “but I assure you that Ironhide, Jazz and Prowl ‘get like this’ when their humans goes out for an event like this.”

“I promise not to get totally wasted, ok?” Sam asked, “I just want to have a few drinks, dance and have some fun.”

“Decepticons still have agents that can appear to be human, remember that one in your dorm room back at college.”

“I would prefer to forget her,” Sam shuddered, “Optimus, are you going to tell me what this is really about?”

Optimus took his holoform’s hat off and ran his fingers through his thick hair, “It’s your birthday,” he said quietly, “you normally spend it with us.”

Sam turned around and headed into the bedroom and sat down next to Optimus, “And every year something has happened and you have been called away then I spend my birthday alone, waiting for you to come back. You said so yourself that I need to spend more time with other humans.”

“Going out drinking, dancing with the high probability of sexual intercourse was not the interaction I had in mind!”

“I will be back before you know it and we can watch the sun come up, like we always do,” Sam impulsively kissed Optimus on the cheek, “I will be very careful and not do anything stupid or reckless, I promise.”

Optimus sighed and stood up from the bed and gave Sam an appraising look. He wore tight blue jeans and a wine colored, soft dress shirt he left untucked. It was tight around his shoulders and chest but loosened slightly as it went down his chest. Sam was rolling the shirtsleeves up to his elbows and smiled. “I clean up ok, don’t I?” Sam joked but there was nothing but a serious expression on Optimus’ face and a hint of something in his eyes.

“I wish you would change your mind,” he said as he shook his head disapprovingly. Sam cringed, he hate disappointing Optimus more than almost anything on the planet, next to one of Ratchet’s physicals, but he refused to budge. His 19th, 20th, 21st birthdays had been complete disasters and he wouldn’t let his 22nd be a bust as well. He hugged Optimus a moment before he pulled back and smiled, “I know you do, but I am going to be with friends. I am not looking for a quickie in a back room, I have very high standards in what I am looking for in a lover and I highly doubt anyone at the club will be anywhere close to what I need.”

“As long as you promise me you will be careful,” Optimus said with a half-smile, “I do not want anyone to take advantage of you.”

“I promise,” Sam said.

“I will leave you to finish getting ready, I have a meeting to attend,” Optimus said.

“Before you leave…?”

“Yes.”

“Do I really look all right?”

Optimus sighed and nodded, “Yes, Sam, you look very attractive. I am sure you will have your choice of dance partners this evening.”

“That means a lot coming from you,” Sam’s smile turned sad a moment before turning on the thousand watt smile, “don’t get too bored at your meeting.”

 

Optimus’ holoform leaned against the wall of the garage, his bulky form was hidden behind a variety of vehicles but he could see Sam and the others getting into the car without any issue. He ground his holo-teeth, and had his arms crossed, eyes narrowed. “Couldn’t talk Sam out of it?”

He turned and saw Ironhide, with his arms also crossed, leaning against the wall next to him. “No,” Optimus said, “I couldn’t well order Sam not to go, he wouldn’t forgive me.”

“Will was equally as determined, he knows if he bailed then you would pull Sam’s permission to go off base. I do not understand the importance of a celebration like this of a birthday,” Ironhide snarled. Ironhide was as possessive and protective of Will as Optimus was of Sam and to see his human also dressed up in attractive and suggestive clothing drove him insane.

“I have a phone call to make,” Optimus said as his holoform shimmered out of existence, but Ironhide watched the jeep drive off and sighed. Now that he was alone he let the tough guy act drop and looked into the abyss of fear that threatened to overwhelm him. Every time Will went out dressed like that there was an opportunity for him to meet someone, a human, with the same physiology and culture, who could tempt him into a relationship. Someone for Will to spend time, talk, hang out and raise Annie with and Will wouldn’t just his anymore. He accepted Will’s relationship with Sarah, they had married before Ironhide had come to Earth and while it hurt him to watch Will mourn his divorce, he was overjoyed that he no longer had to share him with that needy, nagging female. 

Ironhide knew he had no right to try to claim Will has his own, outside the confines of his own mind, because they had no way to interface, a very important part of both their physical and emotional wellbeing. If there was a way they could interface then Ironhide would not hesitate to bond with Will immediately and keep his human at his side for as long as they lived. Ironhide snorted at the pathetic longing in his spark and shimmered his holoform out of existence. Maybe a trip to the firing range would do him some good?

 

Will laughed at the antics of Epps and Mallory, both vying for the role of the horniest bastard in the entire team. He sipped his soda, already finishing a beer, but he promised both Optimus and Ironhide that he would remain sober and be the driver for the party. Will was surprised that Ironhide had actually let him go, he had not seen Ironhide’s temper get the better of him since Sarah had punched Will in the face outside of the courthouse over a year ago. He was so angry then and even more so when he was getting ready to go out for the night. If only Robbie could learn to keep his mouth shut! He made going to a club sound like they were going to an orgy and he knows how overprotective Optimus is of Sam. Regardless if Robbie thinks that Sam needs to get laid, he doesn’t need to announce to a room full of Autobots. There is more to life than sex, yes, if Will could be intimate with Ironhide he would in a heartbeat, he loved the gruff weapons specialist, but they still had a close relationship. He told Ironhide things he had never told anyone and enjoyed curling up on his chest with a bunch of blankets and watching the sky at night, listening to Ironhide recount battles amongst the stars. 

Now Ironhide thought he was going to fuck half the people in the club by the way that Epps talked. 

Sam was on his second piece of pizza and third beer. Epps had bought him a shot of whiskey when they came in, which Sam downed on an empty stomach, so Sam wasn’t exactly drunk but he was well on his way to tipsy. He kept looking down at his cellphone, as if he was expecting a message, and Will laughed to himself as he caught himself checking his cellphone. Oh yeah, the kid had it as bad for Optimus as Will, himself, did for Ironhide. He was half tempted back in the garage to have Sam find Optimus staring at him in a purely possessive manner. It took every ounce of Optimus’ considerable willpower to not just walk over, pick Sam up and carry him back into the base to where he considered safe.

“So are we done eating so we can get to the dancing and hopefully some backroom action?” Epps leered, “and Sam can get some use out of that tube of lube I gave him for his birthday.”

“No backroom for me,” Sam blushed as he absentmindedly patted the pocket with the tube in it, “Optimus would kill me.”

“Quit it, Epps,” Will said, “you caused enough trouble already.”

“What? It wouldn’t hurt either of you two to get some action.”

“Not everyone wants to fuck all the time,” Will said.

“Then you haven’t done it right,” Jameson said and everyone else laughed. 

Will took a deep breath, the only problem with being the sober one in the group is he had to deal with a bunch of horny, drunk soldiers and it was enough to give him the beginnings of a headache. He opened his mouth to give Jameson a witty retort when Will’s phone rang. “Aw no!” Epps said, “we were promised the night off! You tell them that when you pick it up.”

Will looked at his phone and saw it was Prowl, Optimus’ second-in-command, and that worried Will. Prowl never called him unless it was an emergency. “Epps, it’s Prowl,” Will said before answering the phone, “What’s wrong?”

“Lennox, I am sorry but there is a situation. We need you guys to be ready to leave immediately.”

“If it’s anything to do with fighting then count my team out,” Will said quietly, “everyone has already had a couple drinks.”

“No, no fire fight,” Prowl said, “there is a very important meeting and we need you guys there.”

“Who is it with at night?”

“Guys in black suits, that is all I know,” Prowl said, “now Ironhide, Jazz and Optimus will be there in a few minutes to pick you, Epps and Sam up; Bumblebee will be there to take the rest of the team back to base when they are ready to leave.”

“You only need us three?”

“These are my orders,” Prowl was getting annoyed now and Will knew there was no point in getting Prowl pissed at him.

“Yeah, sorry,” Will said, “I’ll pay the bill and we will be ready in a few minutes.”

“Good,” Prowl said and the line went dead.

The entire table was looking at Will with a look of trepidation and Sam looked like he was ready to cry, probably in pure frustration. “It’s the assholes in black again,” Will explained, “Epps, Sam and I have to go.”

“What the fuck do the spies want now?” Epps groaned, “we cannot go. We are drinking.”

“Not anymore we aren’t,” Will handed Epps beer to Mallory, stood up and got the waitress’ attention, “Check and two large waters to go!”

 

Sam went to the bathroom before going outside to wait for Optimus to arrive. He wasn’t dressed for a meeting with the spies tonight and those meetings were always boring, long and never made any sense. Interpol, the C.I.A. and other secretive intelligence agencies hadn’t decided what to think of the Cybertronians yet, some were civil, like MI6, but the C.I.A. were a bunch of assholes. He would just have to keep his mouth shut and try not to fall asleep. By the time Sam came out, he could see Optimus’ tractor pulling up in the distance. He grabbed the water from Will and took a very deep swallow. “I honestly hate my birthday,” Sam said.

“Yeah, me to,” Epps said.

“Shut up, Robbie,” Will said, he looked very thoughtful but also annoyed as Sam just drank the water and tried not to pout. 

When the Autobots pulled into the parking lot, Will grabbed Epps and dragged him over to Jazz. Sam stood up slowly, looked both ways because people are insane in parking lots, and walked up to the tractor, the passenger side door opened and it took Sam a moment to be able to climb in. He was not graceful sober, a few drinks did not help his dexterity. Optimus was not looking at him, as Sam put the half empty container of water into the cup holder. “It’s the C.I.A. isn’t it? It’s my birthday so it cannot be someone nice like MI6 or the French Foreign Legion,” Sam said. Actually if it would have been the Foreign Legion they would have just shut down the bar, drank with them and talked about business in-between their very naughty conquest stories.

“Hmmm?” Optimus asked.

“Prowl said it was the guys in black suits,” Sam said.

“We will know when we get to the farm,” Optimus snapped at him, “obviously you presence would have been proper as our human liaison but you are obviously intoxicated.”

“Duh,” Sam said, “I told you from the beginning I was planning on getting drunk tonight.”

“Watch your tone,” Optimus warned, “I should take you back to the base and let you sober up with Ratchet, but I do not have time to take you back.”

“Then let me stay here!”

“I want you to sober up not get drunk, obviously, you will stay in the cab until you are sober enough to join the meeting or you can just sleep it off,” the doors to the cab locked.

“Why are you angry with me?” Sam asked.

“My charge, **mine** , is running around dressed to attract sexual attention with enough pheromones to tempt the tri-state area!” 

 

Will slid into the passenger’s seat of the Top Kick and sighed as he snuggled into the seat. Ironhide’s holoform looked like he was ready to take someone’s head off, all tense and his eyes staring straight in front of him. Will just sighed, “Thank God.”

“What?” Ironhide blinked twice and turned to Will.

“Don’t get me wrong, I hate the guys in the black suits, but they have good timing. I was not looking forward to babysitting tonight,” Will said, “Sam I can handle, but the rest of the team was well on their way to getting shitfaced. Bumblebee is going to have his hands full tonight.”

“Optimus appears to be having words with Sam, how drunk is he?” Ironhide asked, the tension in his body lessened slightly.

“Tipsy,” Will said, “Epps got him a shot of whiskey when we first got there, he wanted to get Sam really drunk, but after that first shot Sam switched to light beer and ordered a large thing of garlic bread to sop up the booze.”

“I wouldn’t mention that bit about Epps to Optimus, he may think that Epps has less than honorable intentions toward Sam.”

“Epps is a horny bastard,” Will said, “he has been as long as I have known him. He only has un-honorable intentions toward… well it’s not Sam.”

“It better not be you.”

“Epps knows he isn’t my type,” Will said turning away from Ironhide, looking out the window before he continued, “he knows my type happens to have a GMC Top Kick alt form.”

“Good to know,” Ironhide said quietly, as Will’s seat warmed against his body like an embrace and Will just smiled, “I hope you don’t mind.”

“I won’t as long as you don’t change yours,” Ironhide countered, “so who is Epps type so I can warn the poor bastards?”

“I think Jazz and Prowl can handle him themselves,” Will teased as he turned back toward Ironhide, who stared at him blankly, which just caused Will to laugh, “Seriously? You didn’t realize it?”

“And I don’t think Jazz or Prowl realize it either,” Ironhide said as he scratched the back of his head.

“Robbie won’t do anything, he knows that they are married,” Will said, “my concern right now is what is happening in Optimus’ cab.”

 

Optimus and Sam did not say a word to each other as they pulled out of the parking lot. The silence was almost deafening as Sam opened the lid on his water so the straw didn’t make any noise. He sipped the water and stared out into the settling darkness of the desert. Sam tried not to think of the secret thrill that Optimus gave him by saying that Sam was his, even though he knew that wasn’t what the mech had meant. 

They pulled off the main road and onto a really terrible dirt road that would have been bumpy and uncomfortable to ride on if he had been in any other mode of transportation except an Autobot. It was five miles on this dirt road until they came to an abandoned farm purchased by the US government for such meetings where the other party did not feel comfortable talking at the base. Sam thought he saw three black cars on the other side of the barn, but it was so dark out here be couldn’t know for sure. When they parked, Optimus turned to face Sam, “It appears our guests are early.”

“It is the C.I.A. only they would be early to a meeting they called out of the blue,” Sam groaned, “and then they will complain that you are there late when you are actually on time.”

“Possibly,” he sighed, “why don’t you stay here and sober up?”

“I am not as drunk as you think I am,” Sam said, barely slurring his words.

“So you want to go inside and meet with the C.I.A.?”

“Not really,” Sam admitted.

“Don’t leave the cab, just in case,” Optimus said, “I don’t trust them.”

“What if I have to go to the bathroom? I did just drink 36oz of water.”

“Can you go now?”

“This is a nightmare,” Sam sighed, “I think this is the worst birthday I have ever had: it tops last years! I am not celebrating anymore. Period. I will just hide under the covers and wait for it to be over!”

“Sam?”

“Yes, I can go now,” Sam said as the door opened as he slid out of the cap. It was very dark, even with the lights from the barn on. Optimus’ holoform shimmered in front of him and helped him down, he kept a firm grip on his waist as Sam walked to the back of the tractor, “This is so embarrassing,” he muttered as he fumbled with his pants in the dark, Optimus kept an eye out as Sam finally got his jeans open, and removed his cock easily because of his lack of underwear and then emptied his bladder. There was noise coming from Jazz, who had parked to the left of Optimus and Sam groaned, “If Epps says anything, I am going to hit him myself!”

“I think Epps is throwing up on the other side of Jazz,” Optimus said quietly, “Ratchet gave each of us an injection to help your body process the alcohol, the side effect is twenty minutes of intense nausea with periods puking your guts up. Jazz must have been tired of Epps antics.”

“Hang over condensed into twenty hellish minutes,” Sam said as he finished and tucked himself back into his pants, “ok finished.”

Optimus put his arm around Sam’s waist again and helped him back into the cab, “Now Sam stay here. Try to rest and if you get bored there is a datapad with encrypted internet in a compartment behind your seat.”

“Right compartment under the seat,” Sam yawned, snuggling into the seat and Optimus just shook his head and ran his fingers through Sam’s hair before his holoform shimmered out of existence.

 

In the barn, Prowl, Wheeljack, Ratchet and the Twins were waiting in their holoforms as the others materialized into the building. There were no other people there. “How long do we have to be here, Optimus?” Wheeljack groaned, “I was in the middle of something very important…”

“He stole the toaster from Sam’s apartment kitchen,” Sideswipe giggled.

“Borrowed, I borrowed a toaster from Sam,” Wheeljack corrected forcefully.

“And now it shoots out flaming toast! It is awesome,” Sideswipe continued.

“And almost torched Sam’s apartment,” Sunstreaker said.

Optimus groaned, “I told you not to touch anything in Sam’s apartment.”

“So what?” Wheeljack asked, “I need something to better our defense against the Decepticons then I get it.”

“Dare I ask how a flaming toaster is going to do that?” Ratchet asked, this was obviously the first he had heard of this experiment as well.

“Well it wasn’t exactly supposed to do that but I am this close to a break though!” 

“Also known as you will need to buy Sam a new toaster on Monday morning,” Ironhide whispered to Optimus as he shook his head.

“Already ordered it online and will be picking it up tomorrow at the store,” Optimus said. Once Wheeljack had tinkered with anything it was no longer safe for the humans to touch, actually it wasn’t really safe for anyone to touch, Wheeljack included!

“So how long are we going to be sitting here?” Ratchet asked.

“A meeting like this normally lasts two to five hours,” Prowl said, “but I am sure we can leave twenty minutes after all the humans fall asleep.”

“That might take a while,” Ironhide said, “Will is sober and thinks he is on guard duty in case the assholes in black try something.”

“Epps is a mess,” Jazz said, “but I have him that shot you gave me, Ratchet and he is passed out in the passenger’s seat. How is Sam? Is he that bad you had to walk him around, Optimus?”

“He just finished drinking 36oz of water so, yeah.”

“He had to urinate,” Ratchet said for Optimus, “alcohol does increase the need to urinate so that might be a problem that no one thought of when they came up with this plan. Why didn’t you just tell Sam he couldn’t go? Why are we out here in the middle of nowhere at night?”

“Because he wouldn’t forgive me if I did!”

“And what happens if he realizes that this is a rouse?” Wheeljack asked.

“Or Bumblebee does?” Sideswipe asked, “he will tell Sam!”

“Why do you think I put him on guarding the rest of the team?” Optimus snapped.

“And yet another wonderful birthday for Sam,” Prowl muttered.

Optimus turned to Prowl, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Prime,” Prowl said, “the past three birthdays for him have been disasters because he was supposed to spend them with us and we had stuff come up so this time he agrees to go out with the closest thing he has to normal human friends and it is even worse than before. This isn’t fair to him.”

There was absolute silence in the barn, even Wheeljack kept the commentary to himself for once. Ironhide quickly got in-between Optimus and Prowl in case the already on edge Prime decided to do something he would eventually regret. “You didn’t want Epps to go either,” Ironhide said to Prowl.

“I don’t want Epps to do half the crazy shit he does,” Prowl said.

“So we have stopped them all from doing something stupid,” Jazz said, “let’s just be glad we know that they are safe. I am sure we will find a way to make this up to Sam, maybe a post-birthday celebration where Wheeljack isn’t allowed to touch anything!”

“I am here you know,” Wheeljack snapped.

“Flaming projectile toast,” Jazz grinned, “nuff said!”

“We do need to talk about Epps actually,” Ironhide decided to shift the focus from Sam to a topic that would keep Jazz and Prowl’s attention until Prime finished calming down.

“Aw man,” Jazz said, “come on, Ironhide, I injected that stuff into him, isn’t that punishment enough for the shit he has said the last couple of days? I never saw a human puke that much. Ever.”

“I think we need to switch his protector detail,” Ironhide turned to Optimus.

“Why?” Prowl looked confused, “he works very well with Jazz and I.”

“What is the problem? Do you think that Jazz is having a negative effect on Sergeant Epps?”

“Hey!” Jazz said.

“No, but Will mentioned something to me this evening that has me concerned. It is the reason that Epps has been acting out the past few months, being a bigger ‘horn dog’ than normal.”

“He is not acting out,” Jazz said.

“Yes, he is,” Wheeljack said.

“Shove it,” Jazz said.

“He wishes you would, both of you,” Ratchet said, “into any of the many human orifices that can bring a pleasurable sensation for all parties involved.”

“I know that was in English but I didn’t understand a word of it,” Jazz said.

“So you knew,” Ironhide said to Ratchet.

“Of course I knew,” Ratchet made it sound like it was completely obvious, “even ‘Jack knew!”

“Yep!” Wheeljack said, “it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Epps is allergic to grass.”

“What!” Prowl said and Ratchet just held his face in his hands and shook his head, “No, Jack, we aren’t talking about the grass allergy and you only figured that out after you nearly set Epps on fire when you tried to ‘improve’ the gas grill and he had to put out the smoldering clothes on a nearby patch of grass.”

“We were never supposed to talk about that,” Wheeljack crossed his arms.

“And just when did this happen?” Prowl asked, both he and Jazz did not look amused.

“A few months ago when we were temporarily stationed in Maine,” Ratchet explained, “He broke out into a terrible rash, but I was able to get it under control by the time that you both came back from patrol. Epps agreed to not tell anyone as long as ‘Jack never touched any of his cooking devices, which is why he raided Sam’s kitchen for the toaster. Probably.”

“Wheeljack is a walking, talking safety hazard,” Ironhide whispered to Optimus, “I am putting locks on Sam and Will’s rooms that he cannot hack as soon as we get back to the base.”

“So we are talking about the fact that Epps is acting out his repressed sexual and emotional longings for Jazz and Prowl by projecting them onto Sam and Will by making libertine comments?” Wheeljack asked and everyone just stared at him a moment, “What? I happen to get the ‘Word of the Day’ from Webster’s Dictionary to expand my vocabulary.”

“Did you actually understand that?” Jazz whispered to Prowl.

Ratchet threw up his hands, “You both are impossible!”

 

Sam couldn’t fall asleep, regardless of how comfortable the seat was, he could still feel Optimus’ fingers in his hair and the leather seats smelled like him. He was getting turned on and cupped himself through his tight jeans and bit his lower lip to hold back a moan. He was tired, he was tipsy and he was most definitely horny, with more than a dash of feeling sorry for himself. If he couldn’t go out and dance off this energy, he could at least get off tonight. 

No! Sam shook his head, he couldn’t just whip out his cock in Optimus’ cab like a horny teenager who was hot for teacher. He would only confirm Optimus’ suspicions that he was horny and planning on dealing with it tonight. He wanted to deal with it tonight, he had wanted to deal with it every night for the past three years, ideally with Optimus Prime as a very willing participant. That was never going to happen though and those type of thoughts did not help to stop him feeling sorry for himself. In the almost complete darkness, Sam turned his head to press a soft kiss against the leather head rest, and ran his tongue along the seam.

 

Optimus grabbed his hip and tried to hold in a groan. He had no clue what that was but oh Primus it felt amazing. “Are you ok, Optimus?” Sideswipe asked. Suddenly the focus shifted from Wheeljack’s proclamation concerning Prowl, Jazz and Epps that no one for sure thought they understood. Optimus himself hadn’t be listening, he had been feeling, whatever he was feeling, soft and sweet touches that felt so good. “Are you in shock that Epps has feelings for Prowl and Jazz and wants to interface with them both at the same time?” Sunstreaker asked.

“What!” Prowl and Jazz said at the same time.

“Ratchet signed me up for the ‘Word of the Day’ thing to,” Sunstreaker explained with a shrug, “and Sideswipe and I helped Sam with his ENG355 Shakespeare in Literature homework.”

“I don’t know which worries me more, Sunstreaker understood it or that no one else did,” Ratchet sighed.

“That’s why I was thinking it might be better to move Epps to another mech,” Ironhide said.

“Well if I get taken off Epps then Ironhide needs to be taken off Lennox!” Jazz said, “because you two are getting a little too cozy.”

“This is going to end badly,” Wheeljack whispered to Ratchet, “you know like that time I borrowed the ball launcher from the batting cages?”

“I had twenty concussions in less than a minute to deal with,” Ratchet elbowed him, “I remember and I think this is going to be worse!”

“Stop it!” Optimus groaned, the gentle pressure teasing his hipbone mercilessly. What the fuck was Sam doing in his sleep? “I am not moving any assignments around right now. I was unaware of Epps attraction to Jazz and Prowl, which is something that you may need to address amongst yourselves, especially if it is affecting his behavior to the point where he is absolutely intolerable. I am aware of the situation between Ironhide and Lennox, and as of right now it doesn’t appear to be a problem. So everyone just mind their own fragging business!”

Everyone just stared at Optimus in total shock, he had never gone off like that before and no one knew what to make of it, everyone but Wheeljack, who appeared to be lost in thought suddenly, just took a step back with their hands up. “Optimus, are you all right?” Ratchet asked.

“Prime is pissed,” Sideswipe said as he ducked behind Sunstreaker, who ducked behind Wheeljack.

“No, I am not all right! I am frustrated, I am tired and I feel so Primus-damn helpless I just want to scream,” Optimus growled.

 

Sam pulled away from the headrest and smiled, placing one last soft kiss. He decided making out with Optimus’ leather upholstery was not helping the beginning of an erection or the ache in his chest. He decided to take out the datapad and play around of something completely mindless on Facebook until he fell asleep. He carefully slid off his seat and felt around for a compartment under his seat. He couldn’t find it so he fished his cellphone out of his pocket and turned on the flashlight app. The compartment was barely visible but he could see a faint outline of the seams in the metal. Sam had no idea how to open it, he really must have pissed Optimus off to have him place the datapad in such a difficult to get to location. Sam closed his eyes and forced himself to focus his alcohol addled brain to think of how to get it open. He no longer had direct access to the AllSparks information, but he sometimes could get some intuition about how to solve a problem if he would just relax and quiet his mind. Suddenly he felt his hands moving of their own accord and put light pressure on two places on the cover and then it pulled back by itself and disappeared. Sam still kept his eyes close and his hands reached down and took hold of a hard piece of rubber, but it was smooth to the touch. Sam felt it carefully, trying to figure out what it was, it was a strange shape, a large tip and got slightly larger as his hand traveled down to the flared base. There was something so sensual about touching it, all soft angles and smooth rubber, then there was a cable attached to the end of… Sam’s eyes jolted open with the sudden knowingness of what he was holding in his hand. It was Optimus’ interface cable.

What the fuck is an interface cable?

All he knew is that he felt like he shouldn’t be touching it, he felt like he was groping Optimus’ cock in his sleep. Sam closed his eyes again to try to figure out how to put it away and he sat there what felt like forever, very softly petting the head of the cable without actually realizing it, but the answer to how to put it back never came to him. Instead Sam took out his cellphone with the flashlight still turned on, a total waste of battery, dammit, and see if he could find a release catch. He couldn’t but he did get a very good look at the interface cable, and felt himself blush; it looked almost just like a butt plug he had seen in gay porn videos. He bit his lower lip and wondered what it would feel like to have the head of the cable in his ass. Sam felt a strange thrill of having something of Optimus’ inside of him like that, it would almost be like having sex with him. In fact, some part of him knew, that it would be having sex with him.

Sam shivered with pleasure at the knowledge, but he wondered if he had the right to initiate this with Optimus while he was in a meeting with the men in black. Maybe being in a holoform he couldn’t feel what was happening with his tractor form, because he had been manhandling his interface cable for a while and hadn’t come out and stopped him. Or maybe he was trying to see if Sam was interested? Optimus Prime would never have told him about the compartment if he never intended him to find it and use it. This was a gentle way to see if Sam was interested in having sex with him, his tipsy mind reasoned, and he was very interested. Sam quickly removed his shoes and opened his jeans, standing carefully to push them down his hips before he sat back on the seat, he grabbed the tube of lube from his jean’s pocket. He spread his legs wide and put his feet firmly on the console. He let Optimus’ interface cable rest next to his cock, while he opened the tube and poured some lube on his fingers. He shifted his hips to give his fingers better access to his virgin ass. The only thing he ever had in his ass were his fingers and he was shaking with excitement that he would be able to give his beloved Prime his virginity.

 

All the holoforms had decided to sit down at the conference table and walk very quietly amongst themselves. Wheeljack was still not paying attention to what was going on and the Twins where sitting next to him, ready to duck behind him if things got heated again. Ratchet sat in-between Ironhide and Jazz to try to keep them from killing each other while Prowl spoke quietly to Optimus. Suddenly Optimus fell through the chair and landed hard on the floor, everyone stood up and searched for any life forms that weren’t their humans’ but found no other life forms or signals that could have effected Optimus’ holoform. “Don’t kill each other,” Ratchet ordered Jazz and Ironhide and he went over to Optimus, Prowl moved the chair out of the way incase his hard light function came back online. “What happened, Optimus?”

“I have no idea,” he groaned quietly.

“Does it hurt?” Ratchet asked as he tried to scan him, but Optimus blocked the scan.

“No, it doesn’t hurt.”

“I cannot help you if you don’t let me scan you,” Ratchet said.

“No, it’s fine. I just need a moment,” he just laid there a moment and tried to get control over his holoform. Oh by Primus that felt amazing, those soft and gentle touches on his holoform’s cock, but it was impossible. He had tried to overload in his holoform, pleasuring himself as humans did but it didn’t work. Sam was asleep in his cab and if a stranger had broken in to his cab he would know it so it wasn’t like anyone could be fondling his actual interface cable. Then suddenly it stopped, which caused Optimus to praise and curse Primus in the same breath. He stood up on only slightly shaky legs and made sure to adjust the holoform to not show any hint of how good those touches felt. He walked over to the side of the barn and took some deep breaths, which was matched by deep intakes by his cooling vents. 

“I think we need to end this right now and get you back to medical,” Ratchet looked at him sternly, “this isn’t something to just ignore.”

“I agree with Ratchet,” Prowl said, “this isn’t like you at all.”

“When is the last time you went through an entire recharge cycle without being interrupted?” Ratchet asked.

“I said I am fine.”

“Yes, and giving the remote control for in the officers lounge an AI was a good idea!” Wheeljack said.

“Wheeljack, you didn’t!” Ironhide groaned.

“No, actually that was me,” Sideswipe laughed, “kept turning to porn channels every time Secretary Keller walked in the room. Priceless!”

Optimus bit the inside of his mouth as the touches returned, soft caresses all over his cock. He did not want anyone to know what was going on, so he leaned back against the wall and took in the entire conversation without a word but instead was just enjoying the attention. He had not interfaced in millennia and never had any of his previous partners lavished such careful, thoughtful attention to his cable before. It was driving Optimus half mad with desire. The dark, possessive part of him wanted to go back to his cab and find Sam, rub his cable all over his naked body and claim the boy as his own as he overloaded again and again. Optimus pushed those thoughts aside even as barely there touch caressed the very tip of his cable.

“I will fix it,” Wheeljack said but everyone else in the room responded with a very loud, “NO!”

“I think we should call it a night,” Jazz said, “lets get the humans to bed and everyone is on edge so maybe things will calm down in the morning.”

“You do need to get some rest,” Ratchet said, “Sam can stay in medical to sober up if need be, I will take good care of him.”

“Oh, maybe…” Wheeljack said, but Ratchet interrupted him, “and keep ‘Jack far, far away from him!”

“You used to be fun,” Wheeljack complained under his breath.

“I was never fun so stop spreading slanderous rumors!”

“You lit Epps on fire!” Prowl hissed.

“His clothes smoldered a bit,” Wheeljack brushed it off, “he was fine after Ratchet injected him with a high grade anti-inflammatory and covered his entire body in a gallon of aloe!”

“You saw Epps naked!” Jazz squeaked.

Optimus called up the memory of Sam naked in his room earlier, Sam had never been shy with his body around Optimus. He was very attentive and tactile with his body, and enjoyed being held by Optimus’ true form as well as his holoform. He was not like this with anyone else, he was somewhat tactile with Will, Ratchet and Bumblebee but he kept his personal space guarded with the others. Sometimes he would get in Ironhide’s personal space, but only if Will was around. He wondered what it would be like to lay on top of that beautiful naked body and claim his lips with his own…

“Oh for the love of Primus,” Ratchet groaned, “are you a sparkling? I am a medic so there are occasions I see people in various states of undress, but Epps kept his underwear on during that procedure.”

Sideswipe looked at Sunsteaker and whispered, “This is better than any of those reality shows on the television.”

“I cannot decide who is going to blow their top first, Prime again or Prowl.”

“Depends on the next comment that Wheeljack says.”

“I can hear you two,” Wheeljack glared at the Twins but then sighed, “Although I have to concur with your observation.”

Optimus groaned again and rested his head against the wall of the barn. He couldn’t take it anymore, the touches were getting more intense and the pleasure was overriding his logic processor. He had to get Sam to safety or else he may molest his boy in his desire to overload. He opened his mouth but he couldn’t speak and then suddenly the sensations stopped again. He barely held in the sob, but his body trembled slightly. “Ok that is it!” Prowl said, “Optimus, there is something wrong. Let Ironhide take Sam back to the base and we need to get you to medical now.”

Ratchet scanned Optimus while he was focused on Prowl and his holoform blushed. He scanned him again and shook his head, “Hmmmm… Optimus, are you sure that Sam is asleep?”

“What does that mean?” Prowl asked.

“I think someone needs to check on Sam,” Ratchet said, “hmmmm… Ironhide keep an eye on Optimus a moment.”

“If the humans catch you out there they will know something is up!” Jazz said.

“Jazz, this is not exactly the time to argue this point,” Ratchet said calmly.

Prime’s logic processor finally caught on to what Ratchet was trying to tell him and his holoform blushed bright red. “Wait, Ratchet, you mean… you think that Sam…? I will be right back. No one come out and check on Sam until I come back,” Optimus ordered as his holoform faded from existence.

 

Sam had three fingers deep in his ass as he could get them in a few minutes, he had fingered himself while he had jerked off in the shower before Optimus had come into the room and he was still loose. He loved fingering his ass pretending it was Optimus’ holoform that was doing it to him and now he was glad he had taken the time to take the edge off back in his quarters so he didn’t have to worry about coming too quickly with Optimus inside of him. He removed his fingers, he knew the size of the cable was large and it would still burn even with the stretching done by his fingers but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t wait another moment! He poured more lube on his fingers and covered the head of the cable in a thick layer before he brought it to the entrance of his ass, he lifted his hips up slightly for better access as he carefully started to push the cable inside of him. “Oh my god,” Sam cried out, forgetting there was anyone nearby, “so big… mmmmm…”

Optimus’ holoform shimmered into the cab as Sam’s seat fell backwards until he was completely horizontal. The sudden movement caused Sam to lose his footing on the console and his feet slipped to the floor. Optimus grabbed the base of the cable with one hand and removed Sam’s hand from it with the other. “What do you think you are doing?” Optimus panted, about half of the cable was currently in Sam’s tight heat and it felt amazing. It clung to his cable like nothing else he had ever experienced and he wanted to experience more of it, but no, not like this. This wasn’t right.

“There you are,” Sam smiled, “I was wondering what was taking you so long.”

“Do you even know what you are doing?”

“You said,” Sam pressed down on the cable head to try to get more of it into his body, which caused Optimus’ body and holoform to shudder, “if I got bored to look in the compartment under the seat. You could have just told me you wanted to have sex. I have wanted your cable deep in my ass for years.”

“That isn’t what I said! I said the compartment behind your… what?”

“I didn’t want it to be too obvious,” Sam said, “I didn’t want your pity. I told you back in my room I was very picky about what I want in a lover and only one person has checked all my boxes: you. You are the only one I could give this to.”

“Give what to?”

“You are my first,” Sam whispered, “I hope I am doing all right.”

“Oh by Primus,” Optimus said as he gently removed the head of the cable from Sam’s body, “Sam, you are intoxicated.”

“No,” Sam cried out at the loss, “please, I need it, I need you. Don’t you want me?”

“Oh, Sam, you have no idea, but I refuse to just finish an interface session I never requested or initiated.”

“What?” Sam asked, his words slowly sinking in, “but you said…”

“No,” Optimus forcefully said, “no I didn’t. You were half out of it when I told you and I just left you to sleep. I just thought you would sleep it off, I thought I was having strange feedback from the holoform, I had no idea had gained access to my interface cable.”

“Oh my god,” Sam said, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach. He sat up and grabbed his jeans and tried to put them on, tears welling up in his eyes. “Sam stop,” Optimus grabbed his shaking hands.

“I want to go back to the base,” Sam whispered.

“Not until you have calmed down,” Optimus held Sam’s wrists still with one large hand, running his hands through Sam’s hair to calm him. The gesture normally worked quickly but it seemed to only make Sam more upset.

“How can you touch me like this?” Sam sobbed, “I practically raped you! You should be beating the crap out of me.”

“I would never hit you,” Optimus pulled Sam into his arms and held him close, “Never! No one should ever hit you and if they do I will kill them.”

“But what I did… it was against your will. I forced you…”

“If I didn’t want you, Sam, the compartment never would have opened. It’s a safety precaution built into all mechs. I was in the barn imagining it was you touching me, it felt so fragging good, Sam, but I never thought you would want to touch me like that. That you could ever want me like this, to offer me your first time, but now that I know… I stopped you not because I didn’t want to interface with you, or you were forcing me, I stopped you because I didn’t want it to be like this. I want you to experience what it is really like to interface with a Prime and I am not a lover that will just lay back and make you do all the work. You don’t need to service me, Sam, especially not on your birthday.”

“I don’t understand,” Sam looked up into the soft glow of Optimus’ eyes and he leaned down and kissed him softly and murmured against Sam’s lips, “I would like to initiate an interface session with you, Sam. Accept or deny my request?”

“But… didn’t I just… you do want me?”

“I would not have made the request if I hadn’t,” Optimus smiled and kissed Sam again, holding Sam tight against his body, he slipped a warm hand around Sam’s wilted erection and touched him carefully, studying his cock as Sam studied his interface cable. Sam moaned and his cock perked up at the attention, “Shhhh, Sam, let me make it as good for you as you did for me.”

“I thought…”

“Stop thinking, I regret upsetting you but if we are going to interface, and I certainly hope we are, then we are going to do it right. I refuse to have our first time be a mere quickie.”

“Optimus…”

“Accept my request, Sam,” Optimus never begged, but this was as close as he got, he needed to be cable head deep in his boy as soon as possible, but this time he wanted to be the one to insert it, to have his holoform lay on top of Sam, dominating him, claiming him even if it was just for tonight, while his cable gave them both pleasure.

“I love you,” Sam whispered, “Optimus Prime, please make love to me. I accept your request.”

A shudder went through the entire cab and Optimus kissed Sam softly, pulling back to remove the jeans tangled around Sam’s ankles and threw them in the back, he tried to unbutton the shirt but it took too long and just ripped the cloth from his body and tossed back with his jeans. His holoform’s clothes melted away and he allowed the form to show his arousal. “It’s so dark, I cannot see you,” Sam whispered.

“I promise I am here,” Optimus sighed happily, feeling Sam’s naked body against his own. He carefully picked Sam up and laid him back on his reclined passenger’s seat. Careful of his cable, Optimus shifted Sam’s hips so that his ass was against the edge of the seat. He knelt between Sam’s legs, his scanners allowing him to see in the darkness where Sam couldn’t and watched in awe as Sam spread his legs as wide as he could. Optimus moaned when he finally saw the stretched hole of Sam’s tight passage, the one that had given him so much pleasure earlier. “Optimus?” Sam whispered.

“Yes, Sam,” Optimus kissed a trail down Sam’s left thigh.

“Next time… I mean… if you want there to be a next time…”

He hadn’t even pleasured Sam yet and he was already wanting a second interface session. The sensation was heady to say the least that Sam, his Sam, wanted him like this and he wanted to continue. He could have Sam as his interface partner or as humans call them partner or boyfriend, although the second one may be too casual a term. 

“Yes?” Optimus urged Sam to continue.

“Is it possible to do this while you are in your mech form?”

“Oh, Primus! Yes, Sam, yes, I will take you to my berth and I will show you all the ways we can interface,” Optimus moaned, overjoyed that Sam wanted him, all of him, not just his holoform’s body. The desire to interface was overpowering and Optimus wanted to forget his half formed plans of pleasuring Sam and just insert his cable. Right as Optimus was preparing to pull away, he had the juncture of where Sam’s leg met his ass and his sensors picked up a sexy, dark musky smell that almost drove Optimus insane. He nuzzled Sam’s opening, trying to get more of the smell and Sam cried out, his nails digging into the leather upholstery. Needing to get another cry like that, Optimus ran his tongue outside the opening, but it was slick with lubricant and slipped inside. “Oh Primus, yes!” Sam cried, lifting his hips into Optimus’ face. Optimus smiled, and he quickly sound proofed his cab as much as possible because there was no way he was going to tell his boy to be quiet now. He slowly ran his tongue around Sam’s inner walls, soothing the stretched muscles and making them quiver. He uses his scanners to watch Sam as he jerked himself off. He knew his boy was going to come quickly so he just watched, enjoying licking that sweet ass and it didn’t take long before Sam overloaded hard, cum streaming out of cock on to his stomach. Optimus pulled back and gave Sam a moment to recover. He grabbed one of Sam’s socks and cleaned him up gently. Optimus carefully cradled his cock and licked the tip clean, making sure to get his tongue in the slit, causing Sam to moan and jerk his hips slightly.

“What about you?” Sam moaned.

“Shhhh,” Optimus said, “this part will be better if you are relaxed.”

He took a deep, cooling inhale through his vents as he carefully inserted just the tip of the interface cable, marveling how his passage stretched to accommodate him. Sam moaned and tried to push back, getting more of it into him faster. “Patience, Sam, I am as eager as you are,” Optimus groaned, and carefully released the cable to see if the cable itself was strong enough to keep pushing the head in and keep it there. It took a moment of getting used to the sensation, he had never needed the cable itself to be hard before but it was worth it as he watched the cable go into Sam’s ass by itself. He held the cable still a moment as he crawled on top of Sam, pressing him into the seat. He kissed Sam as the cable continued slowly to push in, it was about half way in when Optimus felt the first tingle of energy. Sam broke the kiss and cried out, “What was that?”

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Optimus asked, knowing the answer to the question already, “wait till the cable is all the way in.”

“Put it in all the way now!” Sam cried out, “I need it, I need your cable. Please Optimus!”

“Call me Orion!” Optimus growled as another miniature pulse came from the cable and he leaned down and sucked on a patch of skin on Sam’s neck. He wanted to hear his original designation come from Sam’s lips as he overloaded now and as many times as he could tonight. He wanted to interface with Sam like a Prime, like he deserved, but he also wanted Sam to just want him as well. Sam grabbed Optimus’ head and ran his fingers, “Oh yes, mark me, Orion! I want the world to know, at least for tonight, I am yours.”

A possessive surge went through Optimus’ body, and he grabbed Sam’s hands and put them above his head, holding them there with one strong hand. He adjusted his hips as he thrust the rest of the cable head all the way inside in one smooth motion to mimic him thrusting a human cock inside of Sam. Sam screamed and wrapped his legs around Optimus’ hips to try to get him deeper still. “Mine,” Optimus ground out.

“Orion,” Sam moaned as another pulse was released, the tip of the head near his prostate but not pressing against it. He needed it but he wasn’t sure if he could coherently explain it to Optimus. The cable shifted slightly and Sam screamed in pleasure, “YES!”

Optimus smiled, but looked slightly confused, “Sam?”

“Prostate,” Sam tried to explain, “feels amazing when… teased.”

He repeated the motion and this time scanned his boy when he did it and he could practically feel the white hot pleasure that came from stimulating that area. He made a mental note to research as much as he could about the human male prostate before their next interface session. He wondered what other pleasurable surprises his boy had in store for him tonight. Another pulse of energy went through them, each pulse was getting stronger and the time between pulses was getting shorter, Optimus wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold the holoform, but he was going to enjoy it while he could. He kissed Sam again, deep and hard, demanding entrance to his mouth, which Sam oh so willingly gave and he plundered it, not leaving one area unclaimed by his tongue. 

He pulled back only as his holoform was fading and Sam looked at him, his pupils blown with lust, “Orion, what’s…”

“Can’t hold it,” Optimus said as the holoform faded, but suddenly seatbelts were holding Sam’s arms in place, “But I am… here… Sam…”

“Yes, Orion, you love me so good,” Sam cried out as yet another pulse ripped through him. Sam thought he caught a glimpse out something out of the corner of his eye, but he wasn’t sure, he couldn’t have cared if Will and Robbie were outside the window watching him, all he cared about was how good Optimus felt inside of him. “Let… let go, Orion,” Sam said, “need to... hear you.”

The silence of the cab was broken by high pitched grunts, groans and gears grinding, so many delicious sounds were coming from Optimus that Sam couldn’t hold it together anymore, he grabbed ahold of the seatbelt and started to fuck himself on Optimus’ cable, causing Optimus to emit a shrill squeal as the pulses started to lose all rhythm. Suddenly, Optimus screamed into the night as one last powerful pulse went through them as he overloaded, his entire body shaking, making his interface cable vibrate against his prostate, which caused Sam to go over the edge, cumming harder than he ever had before in his life. He felt himself melt into the seat, his body felt boneless in total pleasure as the seatbelts released his hands, and he bought them to his chest. Optimus was totally silent, he did not hear any fans or the hum of the mech body online and Sam was concerned, he felt useless waiting for the feeling to return to his extremities so he could remove the cable and call Ratchet, but just as he was able to move, Optimus came back online. “Are you all right?” Sam asked as he reached down to remove the interface cable from his body.

“Leave it in there, Sam,” Optimus ordered in a very gentle voice, “I am fine. That was a very powerful overload Sam, and it caused a total system reboot. I haven’t overloaded in a very long time, so my recovery time will be less the more we interface.”

“Whew,” Sam said as he laid back down on the seat, “I am glad you are ok.”

“I will be better when I can hold you,” he admitted quietly, “some of my programs are still loading.”

Sam stroked the leather of the seat and smiled, “You are holding me, Orion, I am in your cab after all, I am surrounded by you.”

The holoform shimmered back to life, kneeling between Sam’s legs, “My cable looks so good in your ass, darling.”

“I wish I could see it.”

Optimus smiled in the darkness and cracked the windows slightly to get more fresh air in here to help Sam cool off a bit. Once he was happy with the air flow, he leaned forward and cleaned the cum off Sam’s stomach with his tongue. He stored the data to be analyzed later as his licks became open mouthed kisses. He was going to definitely take his time and not rush the round of interfacing like he had the previous. He crawled up Sam’s body and carefully rolled them so that Optimus was against the leather while Sam was curled up on top of him, he held his darling boy tight, running his hand up on down his arm. A burst of pure happiness filled his spark and he wondered if this was what joy felt like. “Sam?”

“Hmmm,” Sam said as he snuggled against the Prime’s massive chest.

“I…” love you was supposed to be the rest of the sentence but the moment was rudely interrupted when they heard a series of groans, clicks and cries in both English and Cybertronian by separate voices. “I think we aren’t alone,” Optimus said instead.

“Oh shit, I forgot about Will and Epps!” Sam squeaked and tried to hide his flushed face in Optimus’ chest. Optimus quickly scanned the property and let out a few embarrassed clicks of his own. “Holy fuck, ‘Hide!” Will screamed as Ironhide made a sound that was a very kinky cross between a growl and a howl. 

Sam picked his head up, “Are they…?”

“Interfacing? Yeah, it sounds like it,” Optimus said as he rolled up the windows.

“Hey, they got to hear us its only fair they return the favor,” Sam kissed Optimus, “I mean, if it wasn’t for your incredible skill with your cable they would never have learned they could interface. They owe us.”

“Humans and their kinks,” Optimus sighed but he quickly lowered the window again, and they held each other close, kissing softly as the interface cable let out a very weak pulse. Sam shivered in delight, “Oh I think at least one part of you like the idea as well.”

 

Will started to zone out as he started into the darkness and was startled when he heard a knock on Ironhide’s window. He opened the door slightly and saw Robbie standing there looking much less drunk than he had when they left. “What are you doing? Didn’t Jazz tell you to stay there?” Will groaned.

“Something is going on in Optimus’ cab,” Robbie sounded like he wanted to giggle but was restraining himself, “haven’t you noticed it swaying slightly.”

“It’s so dark out here how can you even notice it?”

“Jazz left the window open in case I needed to throw up again and I heard a strange noise coming from Optimus cab. Stare long enough you can make it out in the starlight.”

“Robbie,” Will said but then he heard a very sensual moan coming from the cab next door to him. The windows were shut but the sound must have been coming from Optimus’ vents. Robbie snickered as he very dramatically tip toed toward the cab, Will got out of the trunk and followed him, the moans got louder, and it was Optimus’ name that Sam was moaning. Robbie carefully stepped on the stair to get into the cab and quickly jumped down, snickering. Will decided this insanity had gone on long enough and he stepped on the stair and was preparing to knock on the window to get Sam to cut it out and then froze, his mouth hanging open. In the darkness he could make out Sam naked, spread eagle on the reclined seat with what appeared to be a cable with some sort of head was in Sam’s ass. The cable was connected to something under Optimus’ seat. Will stepped back down without knocking, his mind processing what he saw and suddenly he was angry. He had tried to talk to Ironhide about sex, but he made it sound like it could never happen between them but obviously Sam was doing something with Optimus. 

He walked over to the barn, with Robbie close behind, and pounded on the door. It opened just an inch to reveal Jazz, “Hmmm, yes?”

“Ironhide. Now!”

“Dude,” Robbie said to Jazz, “why didn’t you tell me you guys could fuck?”

Jazz blinked twice, “Er… I… will be right back!” He shut the door, but Will could hear him say, “Ironhide, I think you are in trouble!”

“Damn right he is,” Will shouted through the door.

 

Jazz locked the door, which made it sound proof and turned totally confused. “Hey, ummmm, Ratchet what is going on?”

“They know,” Ratchet paled.

“They know what?” Ironhide asked.

“Nothing,” Ratchet said.

“Nothing? Nothing has Ironhide in trouble with Will!” Jazz said.

“We can deal with our humans when we know what is wrong with Optimus!” Prowl said.

Optimus holoform had shimmer from existence about fifteen minutes before Will pounding on the door. “I am sure Optimus will be back in a few minutes and he will feel better,” Ratchet said, “he just needs a full, uninterrupted recharge. We may need to sedate the humans and maybe can convince them that this entire evening was a dream! That would make this so much easier.”

“Frag the recharge,” Wheeljack said, “if you aren’t in agony there is only one other reason someone makes noises like Optimus was making and it involves one system offlining, total reboot needing overload. Epps did ask you, Jazz, why we didn’t tell them we could interface, didn’t he? Well he said fuck but it’s the same thing.”

“’Jack, shut up!” Ratchet groaned.

“No, you shut up,” Wheeljack said, “it appears that there may be a chance for at least one orifice, at least in males, can accept an interface cable and if my audio sensors are correct Optimus thinks it feels absolutely fragging fantastic.”

“No one check!” Ratchet ordered, but he knew no one would listen to him, “dammit! After everything Optimus has done for us he doesn’t deserve his privacy!”

“The humans can hear it,” Wheeljack argued.

“Oh shit,” Jazz said, “what do we do? We cannot let them in here!”

“Put them in the house?” Sideswipe suggested.

“Even I wouldn’t go into that house,” Wheeljack said, “the foundation is crumbling and Primus-only knows what mold and other containments are growing in there. I thought about using it for a…”

“Not now,” Prowl said, “we will get the humans out of here! Ironhide take Will to the cornfield and Jazz, grab Epps and move him to the orchard. I will meet you there shortly.”

Sideswipe opened his mouth to make a comment but Prowl gave him such a nasty look he immediately closed his mouth. Jazz and Ironhide went over to the door, took a deep breath and looked at each other before opening the door and forcing their way out, locking it behind them so neither Will or Robbie could see inside. “You come with me!” Jazz grabbed Epps and dragged him toward his alt form.

“But!” Epps tried to argued and turned to Will, to try to get some help, but Will just glared at Ironhide. “You said,” Will snapped.

“Do you think this is most appropriate place for this conversation with Prime and Sam interfacing not one hundred feet from us?”

“Actually I do!”

“Ratchet said mechs and humans weren’t compatible, we were too big to interface with humans without hurting them,” Ironhide whispered trying to ignore the filthy noises coming from Optimus’ cab and how they made him want to throw Will over his shoulder and run back to his truck form and interface with Will until dawn, frag moving to the corn field. He couldn’t wait that long.

“Well obviously Ratchet has no idea how much a human ass can stretch,” Will crossed his arms in front of his chest, “with patience, lots of lube and careful preparation a human fist can fit. Is it bigger than that?”

Ironhide made a fist and stared at it a moment, “I think my processor is crashing.”

Will sighed, “’Hide…”

Ironhide grabbed Will by the shoulders and kissed him, it was awkward as most first kisses are, but Ironhide was nothing if not adaptable to Will and he moved his mouth slightly so it fit perfectly for a long, deep kiss. The kiss appeared to dissolve what anger was left in Will and he whispered in Ironhide’s ear, “Tell the others you are leaving and then get back into the Top Kick or I will start without you.”

“Meeting is breaking up without Optimus,” Ironhide smiled slightly, “it wasn’t that important anyway.”

“There was no meeting.”

“Huh?” Ironhide blinked twice.

“There was no helicopters and the higher ups from the C.I.A. would never tolerate a drive up that terrible dirt road,” Will shook his head and headed back to the Top Kick. Ironhide thought for a moment he should tell the others that Will was on to them, but decided it could wait until later. His holoform shimmered out of existence just as Jazz took off toward the orchard as fast as he could. Thirty seconds later, Prowl followed him. Ratchet, Wheeljack and the Twins peaked their head out of the door to make sure the coast was clear. “Twins, return to base,” Ratchet said, “and never speak of this to anyone.”

“Especially Bumblebee,” Sunstreaker said, “he learns we can interface with humans he will want to put his cable…”

“Pretty sure that port belongs to Prime now,” Sideswipe barely said it with a straight face. The Twins shimmered out of existence and their alt forms pulled out from behind the barn and headed back to the base.

“Think they will be able to wait to get back to base to interface?” Wheeljack asked.

“I hope so because I don’t need yet another headache.”

“You know Ironhide has been sitting there for a few minutes, I don’t think he is going to be moving to the cornfield.”

“Wheeljack…”

“It’s not fair everyone has fun but us,” Wheeljack’s holoform put his arms around Ratchet’s and kissed the side of his neck, “and no one interfaces as good or hard as you, Ratch. Time to put these younger bots to shame and maybe teach that old Ironhide a few tricks.”

 

Will had no clue how he went from getting into the back seat and to having his pants down around his ankles, kneeling on the back seat, leaning forward and grabbing onto the arm rest build into the door, his legs spread as wide as he can in the small space with three of Ironhide’s holoform’s fingers deep in his ass. “Oh yeah,” Will groaned, “just like that.”

“You can stretch,” Ironhide kissed his left butt cheek, “we can actually do this.”

“Yes, we can,” Will said, “hurry up, ‘Hide, I am gonna cum soon and I want to cum with you inside of me.”

“Oh, Will,” Ironhide said, “you really do want this.”

“Ironhide, I love you but fuck me already!” Will cried when Ironhide’s fingers teased his prostate.

“Bossy little human,” Ironhide snorted, but he had already covered his interface cable from lubricant from his own access port and was raising it to Will’s ass. He removed his fingers and shoved the head firmly but slowly into that still too-tight feeling channel. Will moaned, his fingers digging into the arm rest. “Dammit, this won’t work,” Ironhide cried in frustration.

“No, it’s fine,” Will said, “I haven’t done this since high school. It’s gonna burn for a few minutes until I get used to you, dear, just be patient with me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Ironhide stopped the cable and was torn between listening to Will or just pulling it out.

“You are gonna fill me up so good, ‘Hide, please trust me. I need this, I need to be with you.”

“I need this to,” Ironhide sobbed with his need.

“Ok, then move slowly,” Will said, “I can take more now.”

Ironhide moved the cable very slowly, stopping at any hint of pain or discomfort, kissing Will’s back and buttocks while whispering soft endearments he could never admit to knowing, much less saying, in the light of day. He was so focused on scanning and taking care of Will that he was surprised when the head was all the way in. “Are you ok?” Ironhide whispered.

“Oh yeah,” Will moaned, “you feel good, it’s pleasure pain now, ‘Hide, but the pleasure is so good.”

Ironhide scanned him again and was satisfied that he was telling the truth so he unmuted his interface cable sensors and was bombarded by sensation. “By Primus,” Ironhide groaned feeling that hot, tight passage surrounding his cable, “this is fragging fantastic!”

“I am glad you like it,” Will laughed breathlessly, “you worried me there for a moment.”

“I had to take care of you, my one,” Ironhide moaned, “now just breath because it’s gonna start in a moment.”

“What is gonna… FUCK!” Will screamed as the first pulse of energy was released from the cable.

“Like that, darlin’?” Ironhide grinned, “and it only gets better. I’ll have you screaming like Sam in a moment.”

To make a point Sam screamed in pleasure again and Will laughed, “Oh I think we can do better than that!”

Ironhide carefully adjusted the cable to make sure the head pressed against those sensitive nerves he had accidently found earlier that almost made Will overload so the next pulse would feel even better. The human body was so fascinating, it was built for pleasure and Ironhide would enjoy learning how to make Will scream. He knew he had found the nerves when Will’s hips spasmed, “Shhhh,” Ironhide said, “relax darlin’ it’s coming.” Ironhide cursed his age, a younger mech would already be on his third or fourth pulse by now.

“It feels good,” Will said, “don’t you understand, you are inside of me, this is all I wanted.”

Ironhide took a long intake through his vents and offlined his optics, leaving his ground sensors online in case of an attack, but he tried to just focus on being inside of his human, in that tight passage, how it gripped his cable like it was made by Primus just got that purpose. The tension drained away and the second pulse finally came, a cry coming from both of them and Ironhide reached around and pulled on Will’s leaking erection, feeling it swell even more in his hand. He was doing this, he was turning Will on like this, the third pulse came and Will pressed back on his cable, “I am gonna cum, ‘Hide, you are gonna make me cum.”

Ironhide slapped Will’s ass hard, “You that desperate for this cable that you will overload with only three pulses?”

“Yes, Sir,” Will said, “I mean…”

Ironhide slapped his ass again before losing the ability to hold the holoform. His voice came from the surround stereo, “No, darlin’, Sir is just fine. About time you gave me some of the respect I deserve.”

“Yes, Sir, sorry Sir,” Will said as the energy pulsed again.

“You and your little, tight ass are gonna make me overload and then we will talk about how you are going to make it up to me!”

“Anything you want,” Will cried as yet another pulse went through him, “I am yours.”

“Damn right you are mine, darlin’, damn right and don’t you ever forget it, dressed like a slut going to those fragging dance clubs looking for someone to dance with or is it someone to fuck?”

“Sir…”

“Whose slut are you?”

“’Hide,” Will moaned as another pulse went through his body.

“Who has your back in battle? Who drives you around the desert in the middle of the night when you cannot sleep? Who knows all of your secrets? Who loves you with all their spark?”

Will sobbed, “You.”

“I can’t hear you!”

“You, Sir!”

“Then answer my question, whose slut are you?”

“Yours, Sir, I am your dirty, filthy slut who wants your cable so bad. You can drop my pants anywhere, anytime.”

Ironhide held back a pulse and let it gather strength before releasing it, he rolled down the windows, he had this uncontrollable desire to have everyone hear him claim Will as his future bondmate. When he could no longer hold back the pulse he released it causing Will to scream, “Holy fuck, ‘Hide.”

The pulses came without effort now, pleasure causing Ironhide’s frame to shake, Will’s knees went out from under him, forcing the cable even deeper in his ass. Will ground his cock against Ironhide’s leather seats. Ironhide rumbled his approval, he lost the ability to form words in any language, and instead this animalistic sound came from his speakers. “I can’t… gonna cum, Sir… love you, ‘Hide!”

Ironhide snarled as Will’s ass tightened around his cable and felt the leather under Will’s cock become wet, and that is what drove Ironhide over the edge as he howled his overload for the entire farm to have heard and then was forced to reboot his system.

Ironhide was unsure how long the reboot took, but Will hadn’t moved a muscle. He had received a very rude communication from Jazz that accused him of being a show off, but he was in too good a mood to bother responding. Instead he gently removed his cable, watching in fascination as Will’s hole spasmed at the loss as if trying to draw it back inside. He kissed one red butt cheek and carefully removed Will’s shoes, socks, underwear and pants. He used the underwear to clean the lube from his ass, “Can you move?” he asked quietly.

“Not sure, Sir,” Will said and Ironhide suddenly was afraid he had indeed hurt his human, “I have never cum so hard in my entire life.”

“Don’t scare me like that, darlin’,” Ironhide shifted Will into a sitting position and cleaned up the cum from his stomach, tip of his cock and the seat.

“You love me, ‘Hide?” Will asked, “or was that the sex talking?”

“Of course I love you, you idiot,” Ironhide kissed him softly, “I want you to eventually bond with me and just be mine.”

“’Hide, I wasn’t looking for a sexual or life partner tonight, or any night when I go out. I already have a partner: you. I am already yours, I just didn’t know if you wanted me or wanted to help me raise my daughter.”

“Will, when did you know that you were mine?” Ironhide kissed him softly and they both heard the scream from down by the orchard in Cybertronian, the responding call form the corn field and finally the call from Prime. “We are going to have to call this the ‘Facing Farm, you know that right?” Will giggled.

“Shut up,” Ironhide tried to hide his own laugh. “So what did they say?” Will kissed him between every word.

“Why are you interested in what the others are saying?”

“It had to be good if Prime got involved,” Will said as he blushed, “oh my God, we are still parked next to him, aren’t we?”

“I couldn’t wait and seeing how fast you dropped your pants I don’t think you could wait either,” Ironhide could no longer hold back his grin, “it was Jazz telling Ratchet that he and Prowl got both of their cable heads in Epps, Ratchet responding telling Jazz to stop being a show off and Prime was telling everyone to shut the frag up.”

Will groaned, “I am gonna hear about this tomorrow in more detail than I ever care to know.”

“We all will, Jazz doesn’t have a ‘Too Much Information’ filter,” Ironhide said.

“I am surprised Wheeljack didn’t have a comment.”

“How did you know Wheeljack… nevermind, Wheeljack is probably too busy preparing Ratchet’s access port for his cable, you know how he gets when he is really focused.”

“At least tell me the Twins aren’t here anymore!”

“Ratchet would have gotten rid of them as soon as he could when he realized that Optimus and Sam where interfacing.”

“I am telling you, this is the ‘Facing Farm. We need to fix up the house, install a decent garage and this place could be a sexual paradise.”

“I will mention the name to the others later,” Ironhide promised as he kissed Will yet again. “’Hide?” Will asked, his voice suddenly quiet and unsure.

“Yes, Will?” 

“It was at Alcatraz when I couldn’t deny I loved you,” he looked down, “I thought that Shockwave had killed you…”

“I can take whatever that punk can dish out,” Ironhide snorted, downplaying the seriousness of the injury.

“If Alcatraz hadn’t be a cover for sonic research,” Will sighed as he remembered grabbing the sonic cannon from a Sector 13 jerk off enforcer and blasting the hell out of Shockwave, which got him written up, suspended and almost court marshalled if the General Morehowser wasn’t overjoyed to see the device actually work. He didn’t think that Ironhide knew what he had done. He had come back to the base and had hidden in Autobot medical while Ratchet put Ironhide back together. His presence in medical was never questioned by Ratchet, he was given a bed in one of the store rooms until Ironhide was out of the woods. A chill went up Will’s spine remembering the extent of the damage, how close that injury had been to his spark, “I know you don’t like to be tactile and everything, but I was wondering …”

“I think I have been very tactile with you this evening so just ask me.”

“Hold me?” Will asked and Ironhide didn’t bother responding, instead he sat down and pulled Will into his arms. He would sense his human was exhausted and sore, and it was an emotional experience for both of them. It may have been Sam’s birthday but it was Ironhide and Will that received the best gift of all.

 

Sam opened his eyes as he heard the sound of air brakes and a gentle touch to his face, “Wake up, Sam, we are home.” Sam yawned and stretched. He was sore in all the right ways and smiled, “Good morning, Optimus.”

“We missed the sun rise, but I think last night may have made up for it.”

Sam looked on the floor for his clothes but they weren’t there, “Where are my clothes?”

“On you,” Optimus laughed quietly.

“Oh,” Sam shook his head as he looked down to see he was fully dressed, even if his shirt looked more like a jacket since he could not button it closed, “sorry not quite awake yet.”

“Go get some sleep, Sam,” he said, “we will talk more in this evening.”

Sam grinned and leaned over and quickly kissed him on the lips, then whispered in his ear, “I am going to think about last night every time I sit down today. I love you, Orion.”

“Sam…”

Sam pulled away and got out of the cab, “Have a great day, Optimus, I hope to see you later.”

He walked into the base and headed toward the civilian section when he heard a very angry voice scream, “Hold it right there Witwicky!” Fuck. It was General Jennings, who was temporarily replacing Morehowser, while he recovered him his open heart surgery. The guy was a totally asshole. Sam turned toward the sound of the voice and saw Keller, Jennings and a weird dude in a black suit that reminded him of Agent Smith from the Matrix coming toward him. “Where the hell have you guys been?” General Jennings growled, “Where is Epps and Lennox!”

“Epps and Lennox are only a few minutes behind us, Sir,” Sam said, “is everything ok?”

“Is everything ok?” Jennings screamed, Sam could see the veins popping out of his neck, “we have seven mechs going missing for almost twelve hours, thanks to that little stunt you pulled and you ask if everything is ok!”

“Stunt I pulled?” Sam looked at Keller and the Matrix guy, “They weren’t missing. Prowl called Lennox…”

“Shut up, Witwicky, I will make sure that you pay for this!” Yes, it was possible for Jennings face to get redder.

“General,” Matrix guy said, “calm down and let Mr. Witwicky explain. His appearance of confusion is sincere and I am as eager as you are to know what has happened. Please continue, Mr. Witwicky.”

Whoever this guy was he knocked the wind out of Jennings sails and he grunted, “Yeah, whatever.”

“As I said, Prowl called Lennox while we were at the Pastas and Pizza, Lennox and his team got the night off and we were going to go out for my birthday, and said that some guys in black suits had called a meeting at the Farm and Epps, Lennox and I had to go. The Autobots picked us up a few minutes later and we went to the Farm. I have no clue how long the meeting went on for, I fell asleep and woke up when Optimus pulled into the base a few minutes ago.”

“You lying sack of…” Jennings growled.

“He isn’t lying,” the Matrix guy said with a small, but creepy grin which freaked Sam out, “but it appears he was lied to. There was no meeting called at the Farm last night and it won’t be until some safety hazards are repaired in both the barn and the house.”

“But we saw the black cars…”

“Mr. Witwicky, I am assuming you may have had a drink or two, since it was your birthday and the farm is pitch dark so you may have thought you saw our cars because you were expecting them?”

“But… but… Optimus wouldn’t lie to me.”

“I am sure that Optimus can explain,” Keller said as he turned around and headed toward the Autobot side of the base, “why don’t we go to his office now that he is back.”

Jennings opened his mouth to bellow, but Keller had already started toward the Autobot office complex so he ran after him. The Matrix guy just shook his head and ran a cold finger across Sam’s bangs. Sam couldn’t move, he was frozen in fear and disgust. “Poor Sam, even noble leaders like Prime have been known to lie to get a piece of ass,” Matrix guy whispered into Sam’s ear, “and lets face it you are a very hot piece of ass as well.”

“Agent Kish!” Keller yelled and the Matrix guy turned on his heels and walked to where Jennings and Keller were waiting for him. Sam just stayed there frozen, processing what he just learned, he didn’t want to believe it that Optimus would lie to him. “Sam!” 

Sam snapped out of his thoughts and saw Epps and Will walked toward him and Will continued, “Are you ok?”

“Agent Kish,” Sam said.

“That creepy Croatian fuck,” Epps said.

“Did he hurt you Sam?” Will said.

“Keller, Jennings and Kish came out of nowhere and Jennings started screaming at me about where we were last night. According to Kish there was no secret meeting called last night.”

“Kish is just C.I.A. we don’t know who they were meeting with,” Epps said.

“The barn and the house are not safe to have meetings in, they are structurally unsound,” Sam whispered.

“But even my drunk ass saw the cars,” Epps said, “Jazz groaned about how they were there already.”

Sam focused on the slightly fuzzy memory and focused on the cars he saw. “Wheeljack and the Twins,” Sam said quietly, “we saw Wheeljack and the Twins!”

“But Prowl wouldn’t lie to us!” Epps shook his head, “I won’t believe it.”

“Kish, Keller and Jennings are heading to Optimus’ office right now to discuss it,” Sam trembled, “Why? Why would Optimus do something like this?”

“Epps, I think Sam is right,” Will said, “I don’t think there was a meeting last night, and now we know it for sure. There is no way any men in black would drive five miles on that piece of shit road and there was no helicopter. I asked Ironhide about it, but he did not confirm nor deny it.”

“But why?” Epps asked, “Jazz and Prowl have never lied to me before.”

“Optimus didn’t want me going out last night,” Sam said, “and when he couldn’t talk me out of it he… did this! He didn’t want me to going out and being a part of the orgy he thinks that night clubs are, thanks to you Epps!”

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” Epps crossed his arms, “everyone uses the back rooms.”

“Not everyone!” Will threw his hands up, “it’s statements like that, which get us in situations like this. The Autobots don’t realize you are making over dramatic generalizations, they thought Sam was going out for the sole purpose of getting laid.”

“So? You needed to get laid!”

“That is none of your business!” Sam said.

“I know you are worried about us,” Will said, “but you have stop making comments like that in front of the Bots. They are taking what you are saying at face value and I have told you this before. You need to listen to me now and stop it! I know you are trying to get a reaction out of Prowl and Jazz, but if what Jazz said last night was true then you know that they are into you. Literally and figuratively!”

“Yeah, well that was a onetime thing,” Epps snapped, “they are married and committed to each other and I am not the third wheel for them!”

“This is insane!” Sam wanted to scream.

“So because of my comments the Autobots decided to take us to the Farm to fuck so we will be safe from whatever they think is going to happen to us?”

All the color drained from Sam’s face, “You mean that last night was just to get me… us laid so we would be safe? It wasn’t real.”

“What you think that Optimus Prime would fall in love with you?” Epps snorted.

“Shut up, Robbie!” Will snarled, “you got your heart broken doesn’t mean you have to go around ruining this for everyone else.”

“Oh my god, you fucked Ironhide!” Epps laughed humorlessly, “Wow, they are taking their guardianship role a whole new level!”

Will appeared to be ready to punch Epps in the face, and Sam just couldn’t take it so he ran back to his room, ignoring the tears in his eyes. “Sam!” Will called after him but he didn’t stop.

 

Will did not hit Epps, although he didn’t trust himself to be around him right now. He went back to his room and took a long hot shower to calm down. Afterwards he sat on the bed and called Ironhide’s number. Ironhide picked up after three rings, “This better be important, I was recharging.”

“Sam knows,” Will said, “Jennings, Keller and that C.I.A. creep pounced on Sam probably as soon as he came back.”

“Aw, slag!” Ironhide groaned.

“Oh it gets worse,” Will said, “Epps opened his fat mouth again.”

“Can’t you get him to shut it?”

“I was tempted to break his jaw just so they would wire it shut!” Will growled.

“Oh shit, what did he say?” Ironhide was awake now.

“That you guys had sex with us to protect us from whatever threat you think is at the club and that you don’t actually give a shit about me. A new service you offer your protectees!”

“Fragging Epps!” Now it was Ironhide’s turn to growl.

“He told Sam that there was no way that Optimus Prime could possibly care for a guy like Sam. It crushed him.”

“And Prime will crush Epps! How dare he… where are you, Will?”

“My room.”

“I am on my way, just stay there and don’t answer the door to anyone but me.”

“Ironhide…”

“You are my one and I will destroy anyone who dares to challenge my claim, even if it is Epps! Now stay there and do as I say without arguing with me this once!”

 

Ironhide picked Will up in his room, he took a few minutes to comfort his human, before taking him to Prime’s office. This insanity had to end now before it got any worse. He may or may not have fried the electric lock on Epps’ room as he headed to Will’s to keep the stupid fuck in there. Epps has caused enough problems to last at least well through next century and he wanted to keep him far away from Sam. He comm’d Bumblebee and told him to keep a close eye on Sam if he left his room while he dealt with the situation with Jennings and Kish. The last thing he wanted was Bumblebee to stir the pot if he knew what happened, making a violate situation worse. He didn’t think Sam would leave his room, but he wanted to be on the safe side.

He held Will close to his spark plate and knocked on the door to Prime’s office before opening the door slightly so Prime could see both him and Will. “We have a problem,” he said in Cybertronian.

“I am aware of it,” Prime ground out gesturing in front of him, Ironhide peaked his head in, keeping Will hidden and saw Jennings, Keller and that creepy as Starscream guy from the C.I.A., who was looking oddly amused and that only made him even more creepy. “No, we have a bigger problem,” Ironhide said, “as in Epps opened his big fat mouth problem.”

“I cannot deal with this right now…”

“Sam is convinced that you pity interfaced with him, to take care of a need as his guardian, and that it meant absolutely nothing to you.”

Now that got Prime’s attention, and he looked like someone punched him in the interface compartment so Ironhide continued, “If that is the case then shame on you, Optimus Prime, but I don’t think it is true.”

Prime silenced him by raising his hand and he turned his attention back to the three humans on his desk, “Now that I have been thoroughly chastised for doing absolutely nothing wrong, being as we are allowed free reign on both the base and the farm, nor do I have to seek permission or have an escort as long as we are at either of those places, I have an urgent matter to attend to, gentlemen.”

“I apologize,” Keller said, “but when you all disappeared along with Lennox, Epps and Witwicky and we couldn’t contact you we were very worried and didn’t know what to think.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Optimus said, “now if you will excuse me.”

“Of course,” Keller said, “I am just glad everyone is safe.”

“I am sure everyone was very safe,” Kish said with a leer as he headed out the door and when he saw Will he paused a moment to wink at him before starting down the hallway. Ironhide wanted to stomp that little creepy perv out of existence, but not in front of everyone. It couldn’t be an accident that way. Jennings followed, still bellowing about the lack of respect and the stupidity of alien mechs but Keller looked like he wanted to just beat the unholy shit out of him. He turned back to Ironhide and mouthed ‘Just two more months’ before herding Jennings down the hallway. Ironhide wanted into Prime’s office and sat down, normally he would have put Will on the desk, but he kept him close. Prime acknowledged the change with a nod, “What is going on?”

“That Kish is a creep!” Will shivered, “and I passed him in the hallway when I was heading in, he mumbled something to me about how soft Sam’s hair was and I thought he might have tried something with him.” Optimus’ optics glowed and his gears by his mouth plate made a horrific grinding sound but Will continued, “So Epps and I went by the civilian section and found Sam just standing there all sorts of freaked out and his hair obviously had been messed with.”

“No. One. Touches. Sam.”

“Make sure that Kish knows that,” Will said, “well Sam said that Jennings and Kish, Keller wouldn’t be that stupid until he talked to you first, told him there was no meeting last night and Sam realized that the cars we saw were Wheeljack and the Twins.”

“Oh?” Optimus tried to keep his voice neutral.

“Optimus, Will knew last night,” Ironhide said.

“I didn’t recognize the guys, but I know men in black are a lot like Kish, there is no way they would drive on that road, so when I didn’t see the helicopter I knew something wasn’t right.”

“I see,” Optimus said.

“I knew when I saw you at the garage when we were getting ready to go that there was no way in hell you would let Sam a thousand feet near that night club,” Will sighed, “I wasn’t expecting what happened, but it might have been for the best. There was a lot of good-natured egging on and it wasn’t just Epps. The more the team had to drink the worse it would have gotten and Sam would have eventually gotten uncomfortable. How a dinner and a few drinks, which was the original plan, turned into clubbing I will never know, but now that Sam knows you do need to make it up to him. Actually, make up and make over him, because between whatever Kish did and Epps fucking stupidly said, Sam is really depressed.”

“What did Epps say?” Optimus looked ready to punch someone, Ironhide instinctively brought Will even closer to his body in case he had to move suddenly.

“He got his hopes dashed by Prowl and Jazz and he decided to lash out at Sam and me.”

“What did he say?” Optimus said again and Ironhide whispered to Will, “You need to tell him.”

“He told Sam last night was just a pity interface, didn’t he?” Optimus asked that far too calmly and Ironhide was ready for him to explode any second but he just continued, “I want Epps suspended now for slander of a superior officer, insubordination and sexual harassment! I am removing Jazz as his guardian effective immediately and if Epps can get himself under control after the suspension he will be allowed a trial membership with the Team, if he is still a fragging aft then I will have him removed from base permanently. I will decide who is new guardian will be if he returns from the suspension.”

Ironhide thought for sure that Will was going to argue but he just nodded, “Of course, Optimus, I will get the paperwork started and send it to you. You really need to talk to Sam, Optimus.”

“I know.”

“He really does love you.”

“I know!” Optimus growled but then sighed, “I don’t know what to do first…”

“I will start the paperwork,” Will said, “but before that I will shut off his cellphone and lock him out of all his devices so he cannot contact any Autobot so you can go talk to Sam, Optimus, first!”

“I overrode the electric lock to his room,” Ironhide said, “he cannot get out without me letting him out.”

“And people wonder why I love you,” Will looked up at him and smiled, “I will call you when he needs to be let out.”

“Thank you both,” Optimus stood, and as a reflex Ironhide stood, “I have no clue what I am going to say to Sam…”

“Just be honest,” Will said, “he is going to be very pissed at you and it may be for a while, but that is what happens when humans get hurt by the ones they love. He will get over it if you are patient with him.”

 

Ironhide walked with Will back to the Autobot’s quarters. He needed to finish recharging, but he could do it in his alt form and Will could sleep on his back seat. He wanted to keep his partner close to him after such a nasty morning. “You really aren’t going to fill out that paperwork, are you?”

“Nope,” Will said, “well not officially, I will give Optimus paperwork to sign but I think after he calms down and talks to Sam he will be satisfied with just writing him up.”

 

Optimus’ holoform stood in front of Sam’s door, Bumblebee was so full of questions about what was going on and why Sam was crying that he wasn’t sure how to get rid of him. Luckily, Ratchet decided randomly take Bumblebee needed a checkup or more likely that Ironhide had somehow convinced the medic to offer some assistance in removing Bumblebee without causing even more questions. Optimus just told him that he would take over guard duty and try to find out what was wrong with Sam. When Bumblebee was a safe distance away, Optimus turned off the hard light function of his holoform and slipped inside of Sam’s apartment, before turning it back on. He went right to Sam’s bedroom where Sam was laying in a ball in the middle of his bed, the lights out, crying. “Sam…”

“Fuck off!”

“Sam…”

“I said fuck off!”

“Stop it Sam, let me explain!” Optimus turned the lights on, having this discussion in the dark was absolutely ridiculous. 

“What that you lied to me and decided that Epps was right and I needed a pity fuck! I told you I loved you dammit!”

“That is enough,” Optimus used his best Prime voice, the one that made even Wheeljack and the Twins listen to him when they didn’t want to, “I love you to, Sam, that wasn’t a lie. Our interfacing wasn’t a lie, I hadn’t planned on interfacing with you last night, I thought such an act between a human and a mech was impossible! I interfaced with you because I love you and desired you.”

“You cannot love me! Kish is right, I am just a piece of ass and what could you possible…”

“I will not stand for this talk,” Optimus roared, he quickly googled ‘piece of ass’ and finally lost his temper, “and if Kish touches you again I will break every bone in his body, twice!”

“Optimus,” Sam looked at him for the first time since Optimus walked into the room. He looked frightened, he had never seen Prime lose his temper before. Optimus sat down on the edge of the bed, taking a few deep breaths to try to calm down, yelling at Sam wouldn’t help the situation. It really wasn’t even his fault. “I am so frustrated, tired and feel so helpless Sam,” he tried to explain, he needed Sam to understand, “I shouldn’t have lied to you. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Then why did you lie to me? What is going on, Optimus?”

“Bumblebee maybe your guardian but I am your protector as well,” he tried to explain, “a role I take very seriously. You have given much for our cause and have lost any chance for a normal life. I want to insure you have the most normal life you can have, which involves doing normal things for a twenty two year old: like going out with your friends, having a loving and healthy relationship and doing things like clubbing.”

“Then why didn’t you let me go?”

“Because as much as I know you need these things to have a happy and healthy life, it kills me to let you go. There is the chance you will find your human friends company more appealing and stop spending your free time with us, with me or you will find another potential mate to interface with, maybe bond and start a family with and you will be lost to me forever. I am afraid of losing you, Sam. I know you need this, which is why I strongly encourage you but when you leave it tears me up inside. When I saw you looking so handsome with all the hallmarks of a single male looking for companionship, I temporarily lost my senses. I am sorry for ruining your birthday again, Sam, and I will make it up to you. I will find a way.”

Sam moved on the bed and suddenly wrapped his arms around Optimus, “Well it seems you aren’t the only one who thought last night was a bad idea since Prowl, Jazz, Ironhide, Wheeljack, Bumblebee and the Twins helped.”

“Bumblebee didn’t know,” Optimus admitted, “I lied to him as well. Prowl agreed that if Bumblebee knew of the plan he would not only strongly object but would warn you as well. He takes his role of guardian very seriously.”

“I am very angry that you lied to me,” Sam said, “and got me in trouble with Jennings and Keller, but I love you. Please don’t lie to me anymore, and if there is a problem then talk to me instead. I know you don’t believe me but I wasn’t looking for sex last night at that club, I was honest with you when I told you that you are the only lover I want.”

“I would like to begin a relationship with you, Sam,” Optimus said, “I know you are angry and I will have to earn your trust back.”

“I would like that,” Sam smiled slightly and he leaned in and kissed Optimus softly, “I forgive you, Orion, but don’t do anything like this again. Promise me.”

“I promise,” Optimus wrapped his arms around Sam and held him close, “Sam, we need to talk about Epps.”

“Did Will hit him?” Sam sighed.

“No, I do not think so,” Optimus said, “I am having him being suspended, for how long I am unsure.”

“Something happened between Prowl, Jazz and him,” Sam said, “and it really messed him up. I still want to kick his ass for what he said…”

“There is a long line of both humans and mechs that would like to kick him for what he said,” Optimus said.

“Don’t suspend him, Optimus, please, give him a very strict warning with it said very plainly if he doesn’t get his shit together then he will be removed from Jazz’s care and suspended for six weeks or something like that. Make him sign it, but also make Prowl and Jazz sign it as well so they realize how serious this is.” 

 

Optimus decided to call Prowl and Jazz to his office when he was sure that Epps would be in a similar meeting to this one. They both looked exhausted, but in a good humor. Prime knew that wasn’t going to last long. Ironhide had offered to be in the meeting in case things got out of hand, but Optimus refused. He was sure that Ironhide was just around the corner just in case, probably with Ratchet. Ratchet had taken it upon himself to tell Bumblebee the truth about what happened last night, without mentioning all the interfacing thank Primus, and he ran off to apologize to Sam. Sam texted Optimus to say he would calm Bumblebee down while they went for a ride. This must have been Ratchet’s way of apologizing by preparing to patch him up if their got hairy, which very well might. “There is no easy way of saying this,” Optimus said, but Jazz interrupted, “We heard about the Three Amigos flipping out at you this morning. So we are banned from going to the farm then?”

“Jazz, shush and let Optimus talk for once,” Prowl said, “we will get out of here faster than if you keep interrupting. Sorry, Optimus, we have something we need to do this afternoon; please continue.”

“Robert Epps is currently in Secretary Keller’s office receiving his final written warning…”

“What!” Jazz said.

“… Over the past six months Epps has been written up five times for offenses ranging from insubordination to sexual harassment. He should be suspended for this sixth offense but if Jennings had his way he would give Epps a dishonorable discharge. This is how serious this is, Jazz. Fortunately Major Lennox has been able to convince Secretary Keller to intervene and give him one last chance. If he blows this last chance he will be suspended if not removed from the base permanently.”

“We will watch him carefully,” Prowl said, “I had no idea he was getting into so much trouble.”

“You need to keep a closer eye on your charge,” Optimus said in a disapproving tone, “this morning, I was the one who was forced to write him up. I am not sure what either of you exactly told him, but he was somehow under the impression that the interfacing sessions that took place last night at the Farm was just a part of our guardianship duties and had no emotional attachment at all.” Optimus paused to let that sentence sink into both their processors before continuing, “He made to sure inform both Sam and Major Lennox that most passionately. I refuse to be slandered nor will I allow anyone speak to Sam like that. You are fortunate that Ironhide did not attempt to handle the situation personally, as there is no greater insult to a bonding pair than to question either of their intentions. You may want to make sure that Epps understands that in the future and to keep his very lewd comments and observations to himself.”

“I had no idea Epps was that upset,” Jazz said.

“Or how he got that idea,” Prowl explained, “it was a little strange this morning…”

“What happened is not important,” Optimus interrupted Prowl and took out a datapad, “what is important is that Epps stops acting like an aft! I have here a copy of the paperwork that Keller is currently going over with Epps that details that if he gets written up again in the next eighteen months he will be suspended at least six weeks without pay and that Jazz will be permanently removed as his guardian. I want you both to read this very carefully because the pair of you are going to sign this as well as Epps. This acting out done by Epps has to stop and now you are going to take responsibility for your charge.”

“Of course,” Prowl took the datapad from Optimus, “we will talk to him.”

“Good,” Optimus said, “because I really don’t care what you two get up into the berth but it becomes my business when things like this happen. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir,” Jazz said.

“Yes, Prime.”

 

Optimus did not enter his quarters until around 0900 and immediately crawled into his berth. He wished that Sam could be here with him but there was no comfortable place for his human right now. He would have to run some ideas by Ratchet since at least two humans could be joining Autobots in their berth. He offlined his optics and relaxed imagined Sam in his arms right now, his cable deep in Sam’s tight ass and went into a pleasant recharge for the first time in at least four years.

When he woke up, the first thing he checked was the time and it was 1700. Optimus was shocked, he couldn’t remember the last time he had recharged a full eight hours but he felt amazing. He stretched his limbs slowly to get the lube flowing before he got out of the berth, he also ignored the tingling of his aroused interface cable. Checking his messages he was surprised to see one from Epps with the subject line “Sam”. He opened the message carefully and was even more surprised by its contents. 

“Prime sorry about being a total ass early. Want to make it up to Sam and you so I was thinking about how we can celebrate Sam’s birthday where everyone can have some fun together. I was thinking we could have a bonfire, which is a really huge fire, tonight with lots of food and drink with maybe some music and dancing. The entire party is lit by the bonfire and it is a really cool experience. I will even dig the firepit myself that was my job when my Granddad had bonfires when I was a kid and maybe I have found a use for Wheeljack’s enhanced gas grill after all. Let me know what you think. –Epps”

Optimus googled bonfire and liked the idea, and Sam was looking forward to dancing; Bumblebee would make an excellent DJ. He messaged Epps back and prepared himself for helping make preparations for tonight.

 

Prime called an impromptu meeting around 2000 without giving a hint to what it was about. Bumblebee gave him a look and sat in his normal chair with his arms crossed, he was not happy but not as furious as he had been when Ratchet talked to him. The others looked prepared for the worse as everyone had heard about his meeting with Keller, Jennings and Kish this morning and were prepared to hear about the new restrictions placed on them. “Thank you all for coming on such short notice,” Optimus said, “this is concerning what happened last night, as I am sure many of you have guessed. As most of you are aware, I had Sam removed from the birthday gathering last night under false pretenses, somehow Major Lennox and Sergeant Epps also joined us, I cannot imagine how that happened.” Optimus gave pointed looks to Prowl, Jazz and Ironhide. “While this decision on my part was regrettable, I have discussed the matter with Sam and while angry he has been kind enough to forgive me.”

Bumblebee made an odd noise so Optimus decided to just get this part over with while there were other mechs around. “Say it, Bumblebee.”

“It’s not fair to Sam!” Bumblebee exclaimed, “it really isn’t. I didn’t want him going there without me either, but his past few birthdays have been total disasters and he deserved this! Also how am I supposed to protect him if I don’t know where he is or what is really going on!”

“Both valid points,” Optimus acknowledged, “I will be honest with you in the future, Bumblebee, and I should never have lied to you. I know you and Sam are best friends as well as guarded and guardian and that you take your job very seriously. Although you will need to get used to sharing your guardian duties very soon though.”

“What?” Bumblebee dropped his arms.

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Prime was quick to reassure the younger mech, “Sam and I talked more than just about the deception and we are starting a relationship. I hope it will grow into a bond, but we will see.”

“But… but,” Bumblebee’s processor was having trouble handling this information, “how can we engage in a relationship without the… physical part.”

Sideswipe laughed as Bumblebee’s face plate got hot, “He means interfacing, what are you Bumblebee: twelve thousand?” 

Ratchet hit Sideswipe on the back of the head, “Stop picking on Bumblebee! And to answer Bumblebee’s question it has come to my attention very recently that there is a part of the human body that can stretch to accommodate an interface cable and be quite pleasurable if the tests ran recently are any indication both for mech and human if there is plenty of careful preparation of the channel and lubrication.” 

“And before you ask, Bumblebee,” Wheeljack said sternly, “it is none of your business who has or has not be engaging in such activity. Just know that is it possible and be happy that your charge as found a very suitable companion.”

Bumblebee looked confused and hurt, but not heartbroken. Optimus has wondered if Bumblebee harbored feelings for Sam beyond friendship but it did not appear that was the case. “Before I continue, does anyone else have anything to add?”

Ironhide raised his hand with a shrug, “Major Lennox; Will and I are discussing bonding so Jazz tell Epps to keep his obnoxious comments to himself or he will get my foot up his ass the next time he dares question our relationship.”

“We already have spoken to him and it won’t happen again,” Jazz said.

“Anyone else?” Optimus asked but Jazz and Prowl did not say anything, not that he expected them to at this point but he wanted to give them an opportunity, “ok now back to what I was saying before. There is the little matter of Sam’s birthday and I have been in discussion with Sergeant Epps, who has come up with an excellent idea to help me make it up to Sam. It’s called a Bonfire, a party lit by a huge fire outside our hanger, which means we can attend and I encourage you all to at least make an appearance. There will be food and drink for the humans but we are missing a DJ, which I am hopeful we can provide. Bumblebee do you think you can find dance-worthy music for Sam’s party?”

Bumblebee seemed to perk up instantly, “Sure! I will be glad to help. I love music.”

“But there is a small problem about the fire,” Prowl said, “what are we going to use for fuel? There is no wood nearby.”

“Actually Wheeljack has already provided us with a suitable bonfire that is safe and controllable.”

“I did?” Wheeljack looked baffled but then very pleased and threw his fist in the air exclaiming, “Huzzah!” 

“You helped Sam with his Shakespeare homework to,” Sunstreaker said, “didn’t you?”

 

The Autobots went outside after the meeting and saw Epps and Will placing the gas grill into a deep hole in the ground, there were other humans milling about setting up folding chairs and tables for the food. Epps waved when he saw them coming toward them, “Excellent! I ran into town and got everything so we should be ready to go at 2100. Bumblebee, you gonna help us out?”

Bumblebee grinned and then music started play from his speakers and the humans cheered. Will and Epps stood back as the gas grill flamed to life. Ratchet was very quick to incase the flame in a metal fence so no one actually could fall in, or Wheeljack could not tinker with it. He also made sure that Wheeljack was in grabbing range at all times as he pulled him into the back to watch the party start. Sam came outside ten minutes later right after the hot food was brought out from the kitchens by Secretary Keller, who appeared to be lecturing Sam about keeping a closer on the Twins until they came out of the hanger and everyone screamed “Surprise!” Keller laughed hysterically at the look of complete shock on Sam’s face and patted him on the shoulder before going to join the members of his staff that came to the bonfire. Bumblebee started blaring the music and the party started in full force. Optimus’ holoform came down to greet him, “Happy birthday, Sam.”

“You did this… for me?”

“Not alone but I thought this might help make up for the last four birthdays I have helped to ruin,” he put his arms around Sam and gave him a hug, and whispered, “I told Bumblebee.”

“I am glad,” Sam said and kissed Optimus’ cheek, “I will talk to him in the morning.”

“Make that late afternoon,” Optimus said very quietly, “because I think we are going to have a very late night.”

 

Will went over to where Ironhide was sitting nearby but far enough away for a little bit of privacy and climbed up on his thigh to sit and watch the party. He was glad to see everyone having so much fun, but he just wanted a few minutes of peace and quiet with his partner. There were others close by so instead of just asking Ironhide verbally, he took out his phone and texted him: If I am sitting here on your thigh, like so, how close am I to your interface compartment? Sir.

Ironhide made a strangled noise and Will thought he heard knocking sound about a foot above his head. Ironhide texted him back: Answer your question, darlin’?

Will reached up and stroked the metal lid of his interface compartment. He looked up and smiled sweetly, “I love you.”

Ironhide snorted as his holoform shimmered down in front of Will, sitting in between Will’s legs, just back to Will’s chest, his head tucked under Will’s chin. “You only love me for my interface cable,” he teased quietly as Will wrapped his arms around him.

“Well I have to admit that is a very nice perk,” Will teased back.

Ironhide didn’t respond, they just sat in comfortable silence and enjoyed just being together for now.

 

Optimus stayed back and watched Sam enjoy his party, drinking a beer and talking with whomever was nearby. He even danced with a few soldiers of both genders, but he wasn’t jealous. He enjoyed watching him have a good time. After having a piece of birthday cake, he excused himself from the large grouping of humans around the food and headed toward Optimus. “How about it, Prime? You up for a dance?” Sam grinned at him.

“I don’t know how to dance,” he explained.

“Neither do Jazz and Prowl, but they seem to be having a good time,” Sam gestured to a dark corner of the dance floor where Epps was sandwiched their holoforms rubbing up against each other to the beat, it looked like human sex just with clothes on. Optimus sighed and shook his head, did his words have any effect on the pair at all? “Don’t worry, we don’t have to grind or anything like that.”

“Grind?”

“That is the style of dancing they are doing,” Sam laughed, “just stay in my personal space and move your holoform to the beat of the music.”

“What if I want to do this grind?” Optimus teased.

“Then you better follow it up to a drive to the farm,” Sam said and winked suggestively.

Optimus’ holoform shimmered down in front of Sam and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “Why go there when my berth is so much closer?”

“You do realize it’s been nicknamed the “‘Facing Farm”, right?” Sam laughed quietly.

“Seriously?” Optimus pulled back and raise an eyebrow.

“Just for us lucky guys in the know,” Sam shook his head in amusement at the concerned look on Optimus’ face, “now dance with me.”

He look the holoform’s hand and dragged him onto the area that became the dance floor they their bodies moved to the music. Optimus took a few songs to loosen up, when he realized that no one appeared to be watching them. He looked around and saw Ironhide with Will a thousand feet away, just being close in the darkness. Ratchet and Wheeljack were sitting right next to each other, talking animatedly about something, but both where smiling (as much as either mech smiled). The Twins were dancing in their holoform in the middle of the group of humans, while Bumblebee was also in his holoform and with empty boxes tried to create a fake DJ set up. 

Optimus Prime could not remember a time he felt more at peace in his entire existence. Everyone he cared about was here, safe and in all appearances happy. He wrapped his arms around Sam and brought him closer as they edged toward another dark patch on the edge of the dance floor when Bumblebee talked between the changing songs, “Everyone having fun!”

“YEAH!” almost every screamed back, the Twins the loudest and Epps whistled just as loudly.

“All right, now it’s time for a change of pace for any possible lovebirds out there.”

Sam grinned as he threw his arms around Optimus as a love song that Sam had never heard came on, “I think he might be ok with us.”

“Or he is enjoying torturing Ironhide,” Optimus laughed, “I think I saw him throw a rock at Bumblebee.”

“Oh and in case you were going to request an interface session this evening, Orion,” Sam whispered in Optimus’ ear, “just know it’s already accepted.”

“Good to know,” Optimus slipped a hand down and cupped Sam’s ass.

 

Epilogue:

The Autobot Officers Meeting was rather uneventful, but no one had actually gotten a full recharge last night so everyone wanted it to end early so they could just go back to their berths. They were just finishing up discussing plans on updating the farm so that it was safe for their humans when the human sized door in the larger Autobot door slammed open, scaring the frag out of most of the mechs. In walked Sam and Will, clothes burned in places and covered in soot. Optimus and Ironhide immediately sent their holoforms to check on their humans and Ratchet was scanning them carefully for any burns. “Where is he!?” Sam snapped and searched the room, stopping on Wheeljack, “there you are.”

“What did I do?”

“Remember this?” Sam asked as he opened up a fire blanket and produced his toaster.

“You put it back!” Sideswipe asked.

“I never took it out of the apartment,” Wheeljack said, “but the toaster looks fine.”

Ratchet face palmed and whispered a prayer to Primus that his very clueless bond mate would survive this screw up. “The toaster!” Sam shrieked, “my apartment caught on fire.”

“That’s fine it happened the last time as well.”

“The fire spread from my kitchen to the living room and bedroom!”

“Sam and I decided to have breakfast together this morning,” Will explained to Ironhide, “he got a call from his folks and I had to use the restroom so no one was watching the toaster for a minute. You shouldn’t have to watch a toaster for godsake!”

“My apartment is totally wreaked! Thank God the sprinklers kicked in or I would have lost everything. It was like an explosion of fiery toast death.”

“Wheeljack,” Optimus growled, followed an equally fierce snarl from Ironhide and Bumblebee punched his own palm as a threatening gesture. Sam turned to Optimus and said, “I thought you told me that Wheeljack wasn’t allowed to experiment on anything in my room!”

“He isn’t!” Optimus glared.

“Well he obviously isn’t listening to you so you know what? I am moving in with you until my apartment is fixed!” Sam handed Ironhide the toaster and turned on his heels and headed right back out the door, Will close behind him. Ratchet called out to them, “See you both in medical in five minutes!”

Ironhide stared at the fiery toaster of death and then grinned evilly as his mech form stood up and took the toaster from his holoform, which then shimmered out of existence, “I will be back.”

“Where are you going with that toaster? It needs to be destroyed!” Prowl said.

“I’m going to go blow up Will’s apartment, should be back in ten minutes,” Ironhide headed out the door. Jazz called after him, “And we get it when you are done.”

Prowl shook his head and Jazz responded, “What? We will destroy it when we are done with it!”

Optimus just stared, ignoring the commotion and was overwhelmed by the sudden peace and contentment that flooded his spark at the idea of his boy living with him. He would have to add a bath room and get a television and a sofa for Sam, but they could really live together. He couldn’t help the joyful grin that came across his face.

Sideswipe turned to Sunstreaker and whispered, “I thought that you told Sam about the toaster.”

“I did,” Sunstreaker said, “and Sam wrapped it up in that fire blanket and put it in the trashcan.”

“Well at least he didn’t outright lie about it,” Sideswipe said, “just skipped a fact or two.”


End file.
